What Being Divorce Lawyers Has Taught Us About Our Own Marriages

As divorce lawyers, we see firsthand the challenges couples face when relationships break down. From financial uncertainty to difficult conversations, our work has given us a unique perspective on marriage and the importance of planning for the future.

But what does that mean for our own relationships?

Our Family Law lawyers, Linda and Sharan, share six lessons from their own marriages, revealing the things they’d never overlook and the habits they always prioritise, drawing on both their professional experience and personal lives.

Linda’s Three Things I’d Never Do in My Marriage

1. Not Have a Prenuptial Agreement

My husband and I got married last June, later in life. We have one son each, homes that we purchased on our own, and savings and investments acquired before we got together.

Neither of us is particularly wealthy. However, for blended families, a prenuptial agreement provides peace of mind by helping to protect assets for children from earlier relationships.

You can specify which property or investments are intended to be reserved for your children’s inheritance, helping to ensure your marriage doesn’t unintentionally affect their financial security.

Having a prenup, especially if you are marrying later in life or have been married before, can help protect the assets you bring into the relationship. It can specify what remains personal property and what becomes shared, as well as reducing emotional and legal conflict if a divorce occurs.

2. Not Knowing Our Finances

It still surprises me, in 2026, how many individuals (and they tend to be women) are completely out of the loop regarding joint household income, debts, savings, how household outgoings are paid, and even who supplies the utilities to the home!

This often stems from situations where the wife earns less than her husband or her work is structured around caring for the children. Sometimes, it can be deliberate secrecy.

Financial ignorance is not romantic and can be dangerous.

If the spouse managing the finances falls ill, passes away, or initiates a divorce, the uninformed partner may have no idea how to access funds, pay bills, who supplies services to the home, or when the next mortgage instalment is due.

A happy marriage and financial awareness can coexist.

I am a fierce advocate of having regular, calm check-ins to review cash flow, upcoming costs and how they will be paid, and the purchase of big-ticket items such as a car or holiday. It is also an opportunity to ask questions if you don’t understand something.

3. Not Having Our Paperwork Sorted Out

Shortly after we came back from our honeymoon, we sat down and had a conversation, took out life insurance, and updated our wills.

We wanted our estates to be distributed in accordance with our wishes and to ensure the surviving spouse would be able to maintain a reasonable standard of living and pay expenses without facing sudden financial hardship.

It was also important that our children were provided for and received the inheritances due to them.

Dying without a will means your estate will be distributed according to the applicable intestacy rules, which may not reflect your wishes, particularly in blended families.

Having the right paperwork in place provides peace of mind and helps protect the people who matter most.

Sharan’s Three Things I Always Do in My Marriage

1. Communicate

I try to maintain an open line of communication with my husband, no matter how difficult those conversations can sometimes be!

As divorce lawyers, we often hear that clients no longer know their spouse, especially after long marriages.

Ensuring you have real conversations about where you both are and how you feel, rather than just exchanging a list of ‘to-do’ tasks about the house or children, can help maintain a marriage.

It can also mean that if a marriage does break down, it will not come as a complete shock, which can make an already difficult situation easier to navigate.

2. Know Your Finances

I think it is really important that both parties in a marriage know their true financial position with respect to income, outgoings, assets, and debt.

It is always surprising how many clients come to us and do not know how much their spouse earns or how and where savings and investments are held.

Even if one person within the marriage manages the finances or is the sole earner, the other should still understand their financial situation as a couple or family.

3. Plan for Financial Independence

If it is decided that one party to a marriage will be a homemaker or stay-at-home parent, it is important to discuss how that will work, not only in terms of access to funds for daily and regular expenditure but also how savings and pension contributions will be dealt with.

Often, we see cases where a stay-at-home parent finds themselves financially cut off in the immediate aftermath of a separation. They may no longer have access to their spouse’s income or credit cards and often have no savings, investments or pension in their own name to utilise.

Whilst a final financial settlement may result in a share of matrimonial assets or a needs-based financial award, it can take many months to achieve this, and there will be expenditure to meet in the interim period.

If the stay-at-home spouse or parent has their own savings or investments, they will be better placed to meet their immediate and essential financial needs whilst lawyers work to secure interim financial support or a final financial settlement.

Having some financial independence can make the entire process less stressful.

Protecting Your Future Together

Every marriage is different, but open communication, financial awareness and planning ahead can help couples build a stronger foundation for their future.

Whether you’re preparing to get married, navigating a blended family or simply looking to put the right protections in place, taking practical steps early can provide reassurance and help avoid unnecessary difficulties later.

Our Family Law team can provide advice on prenuptial agreements, financial arrangements and the legal considerations that come with marriage and separation.

If you would like to discuss your circumstances, please get in touch with a member of our team.

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The information and opinions contained in this blog are for information only.  They are not intended to constitute advice and should not be relied upon or considered as a replacement for advice.  Before acting on any information contained in this blog, please seek a solicitor’s advice from Gilson Gray.